


Shatter

by Angel_made_of_scars



Series: Leading Into A Life [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Autism, Autistic Castiel, Hurt!Cas, M/M, Panic Attacks, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 00:19:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4982479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean gets a call about Bobby being in an accident, and breaking his leg. He's cleared from the hospital, but can't drive, and doesn't know anyone who can pick him up except his old friend Rufus, who's in another state, and Ellen, his wife, who's off with her daughter on a girls trip. And Dean of course.<br/>The problem? He has to leave Cas at the apartment, and the hospital is a five hour drive away. But Cas can be without him for a day right?<br/>I highly suggest reading "Normality" before this. It'll probably make way more sense.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Shatter

 

He wakes up on a day like any other. Dean cracks the eggs and Cas cooks them. Dean washes dishes and Cas dries them. Dean watches cars with him for a few minutes, then leaves for class. Cas leaves thirty minutes after him.

It's in the middle of the day that Dean gets the call. From Bobby, but not good news.

He walks through campus slowly. He knows Cas will be worried if he's not back at his usual time, but he can't think of a way to tell him.

When he opens the door he smells it. The chemical smell of fresh paint. Cas must be at his canvas again. He's been adding to it for days.

"Hey buddy, sorry I'm late." Dean said carefully.

"It's alright. Can we have soup tonight?" Cas asked.

"Sure, but if we don't have broth I'll have to run to the store." Dean said.

"I did that. It's in the fridge. Can we have some apple pie later?" Cas asked.

"If you got ingredients to make it, then sure." Dean smiled. Cas nodded and went back to his painting. So far it was a swirl of colors, but he had promised it would come together soon.

"So did anything cool happen today?" Dean called from the kitchen. Cas didn't answer.

"Cas, you alright?" Dean called. Still nothing. Dean left the kitchen and went back to the bedroom. Cas was still staring at his painting.

"Cas, you ok? Just don't wanna talk anymore?" Dean asked.

"I know your leaving." Cas said quietly. Shit.

"How did you find out?" Dean asked.

"Sam left a message about your trip to get Bobby, and said he could stay here." Cas said. He was scratching his arm.

"Ok, hey, let me hold your hands." Dean said. Cas turned on his stool and gave his hands to Dean.

"I was gonna tell you at dinner, so I want you to know I wasn't hiding it. Ok?" Dean said. Cas nodded so he continued.

"I also want you to know that it's gonna be ok. I know you're worried, but I'll only be gone two afternoons and a night, and then I'll be back. I was gonna call Sam too, to see if he can come over here. That ok?" Dean asked.

"No- need you here! Not him." Cas said quickly.

"Hey, it'll be ok. I'll call, and you can call me too." Dean promised.

"What if... What if I get... Hurt?" Cas asked. Lately he had been having issues with hurting himself. Nothing serious, just scratching at his arms when he was nervous, or flapping his hands and hitting something.

"Sam will take care of you. It'll be ok, you just gotta trust him." Dean said.

"But I don't!" Cas said quickly. His hands were trying to curl into fists.

"Hey, ok, let's go make dinner. We can talk about it while we eat. Bobby's gonna be cleared in two days, so I don't have to leave until tomorrow afternoon." Dean said.

"No! You can't! No!" Cas yelled, pulling his hands away from Dean. He wasn't just upset now, he was getting angry.

"Cas, I'm not trying to dismiss this, I just think you should get calm-" Dean tried.

"No! You're not going! No!" Cas yelled, standing up . He stomped around the room, fuming.

"Cas, stop." Dean said sternly. Cas growled at him.

"Cas, you have to stop." Dean said, louder this time.

But he didn't stop. Cas took one look at him, picked up a rock he had found at the park, went to the window, and hit it as hard as he could. It cracked.

"Cas! I said stop it!" Dean yelled. Cas kept hitting.

"No! Bobby can stay!" Cas yelled back, throwing the rock at his bed. He stomped over to his painting, threw his hand in the green paint cup, and rubbed it through the middle of the canvas.

"Dammit Castiel! Stop it!" Dean yelled. Cas continued, flailing his hands, before dropping to his knees and yelling.

"You know what? Fine!" Dean yelled. He left the room, slamming the door behind him. He left and went to the kitchen, beginning to cook dinner.

Cas didn't blow up like that often. When he did it was because he couldn't control something. Dean hadn't yelled at him like that since at least last year when he hit Deans car with a rock after getting angry.

Still, he continued cooking. He knew Cas would calm down and come out later.

* * *

Cas didn't come out for dinner. He stayed in the room. He had knocked on the door a few times, with no answer. Dean wanted so badly to go check on him, make sure he was ok, but he had called Meg, his doctor/psychiatrist, and she said to let him come out first.

He got out bowls and filled them with soup, but only put one on the table. He carried the other one to the bedroom door, then knocked one more time.

"I'll leave a bowl of soup outside the door here for you. I... I'm sorry I yelled. I know you don't like that." Dean said carefully. He put the bowl on the floor, before walking away and sitting at the table alone.

Dean thought about turning on the tv, but decided against it, in case it bothered Cas. However, after still not hearing the bedroom door open by the time he was done eating, his worry won over. He put away his soup bowl, and went into the bedroom.

Cas was curled into a fetal position in the corner. He was slumped against the wall, and his eyes were shut. His hand was covered in green paint, but luckily nothing else. No glass or blood. Poor guy must have worn himself out. Better then hurting himself though.

Carefully, Dean rubbed his shoulder, so as not to scare him.

"Hey buddy, let's get you outta the corner and into bed." Dean said quietly. Cas shook his head and curled up tighter.

"Come on, I know you must be sore sitting on that wood floor." Dean said. Cas looked up at him, and Dean could now see how red his cheeks were.

"Aw- Cas... I'm so sorry I yelled. I know that sometimes scares you. If I had known you were in here crying, I would have come in sooner." Dean said sadly. Cas still said nothing.

"I-I made the soup you wanted. You want some?" Dean asked. He looked away.

"Ok... Hey, I could go make that pie you wanted. You want me to do that?" Dean asked. Cas shook his head.

"Is there anything you want?" Dean asked.

"You." Cas said quietly. His eyes tearing up again, and Dean felt his heart break right there.

"I'm so sorry Cas, I wanna stay with you, but I can't leave Bobby up there. He's like a dad to me. What if you came with me?" Dean asked.

"No! No cars! It's too loud, a-and bumpy! I'll get sick- or scratchy!" Cas protested, scratching his arms for emphasis.

"Whoa, hey, calm hands. Come on. Let them fly away. Your hands are birds, come on." Dean cooed. Cas slowly took deep breaths, and his fingers stopped scratching. Instead he flexed them and flapped his hands, lifting them above his head.

"Good job, now come in for the landing." Dean said gently. Cas lowered his hands.

"There... Can't keep the birds caged up or they might get cranky, right?" Dean said softly. Cas nodded.

"I really am sorry Cas... Will you come out and eat some soup with me?" Dean asked. Cas didn't answer. He reached out and took Deans hand. He held it tightly and then stood up.

"I'm not hungry. I'm tired. Will you have lunch with me tomorrow?" Cas asked.

"Yeah, of course. You sure you're not hungry though? I don't want you getting skinny." Dean said.

"I'm sure. Crying makes my stomach stop being hungry. I just wanna sleep." Cas said, punctuated by a yawn.

"I guess you do. Come on then, let's get you ready for bed." Dean sighed, walking with Cas' hand in his to the bathroom.

First he washed Cas' hand, letting the green paint wash down the drain. Next he went and inspected the window. It hadn't cracked all the way through; Cas was lucky. He went back and checked his hand for glass, just in case, before telling him to brush his teeth. While he did that, Dean took a wet washcloth and started dabbing the little green flecks all over the wall. It was only crayola paint, so it came off easy. Next he did the same to Cas' hair, where he had run his hand through it.

Cas held Deans hand as he brushed his teeth, and he knew that was his way of apologizing.

Once they were in bed, Cas' bed that is, Cas looked at him strangely.

"What?" Dean asked.

"Can we touch?" Cas asked. Dean smiled and nodded, then raised his arm up.

It honestly surprised Dean. Sure, they had slept like this before, with Dean holding onto him, but Cas had only ever asked for it once. They had worked out a system that day. If Dean was in his bed, he was to hold onto Cas, but if Cas didn't pat the bed to invite him, he wasn't to touch him. They had never really... Verbally discussed it after that.

"Why'd you ask this time?" Dean asked.

"I wanted to make sure you'd do it." Cas said. That make sense. Sort of.

"We forgot to watch the cars outside." Cas yawned.

"It's ok, we'll do it when I get back." Dean mumbled into Cas' shoulder.

"Do you want me to leave?" Cas asked.

"Do you want to leave?" Dean asked, same as always.

"No." Cas said quickly.

"Then no. I want you here for as long as you want to be here." Dean said confidently.

"Even though I did something wrong?" Cas asked.

"Yes." Dean assured him. It was silent for another few minutes.

"Dean... Promise you won't stay there?" Cas said quietly.

"Where, up where Bobby is? Why would I stay more then the night that I have to?" Dean asked.

"Well... What if you start to like being away?" Cas asked sadly.

"Trust me, no dingy thirty-dollar-a-night motel is going to be better then being with you." Dean said resolutely.

"Pinky promise me."

"Ok, pinky promise." Dean said, pulling at Cas' pinky with his own where their hands were joined. He pulled his bear under his head, and Dean could hear its heartbeat. He smiled while he fell asleep, but Cas didn't have to know.

* * *

The next day... Wasn't like normal. Cas wouldn't let go of his hand.

When Dean put together cereal bowls, and Cas held his arm, he could feel him practically shivering from nerves. They ate holding hands under the table. Cas put their bowls in the sink to wash later, instead of helping to clean up now. Dean asked about watching cars for a few minutes, but Cas pulled him back to bed, tapping the pillows and signaling for Dean to hold him.

Neither of them ended up going to class. The worst part was Cas hadn't said a word all day.

* * *

"Loud!" Cas yelled, sitting up and covering his ears when Deans alarm went off.

"I know, I'm sorry! Hang on, there. It's off, it's ok." Dean said softly, pulling Cas' hands off his ears gently.

"That's just so I don't sleep in late. You wanna go help me heat up lunch? It's soup." Dean reminded him. Cas nodded.

Dean walked into the kitchen and Cas followed him, but this time he didn't hold Deans hand.

"Stove?" Cas asked.

"Yeah, sure." Dean said. Cas liked it more if he re-heated it on the stove instead of the microwave. It took longer, but he would do it if it made Cas happy.

Dean got out the container from the fridge, poured the contents in the pot, and lit the burner. Next he got out a piece of paper and four crayons. Red, yellow, green, and blue.

Since Cas had a phase once of watching lilo and stitch for a whole week, Dean had gotten an idea. Every once and a while, he would draw a ginger bread man type thing. He would label all the way up the man 10%, 20%, 30%, and so on. He told Cas to color in what he felt, just like Lilo did for Stitch, on his evil-to-good scale. Red was mad, yellow was happy, blue was sad, and green was whatever other thing he felt. He could tell Dean what the green meant on that day.

This time, Cas picked up blue first. He colored in 60%.

"You're 60% sad? The tired feeling?" Dean asked. Cas nodded. Dean let him continue, and he picked up red. This was not going well.

"20% mad, huh?" Dean sighed. Cas nodded again. Next was yellow.

"Only 10%... Why are you 10% happy?" Dean asked.

"You stayed for lunch." Cas said simply. Next was green, which was a rare thing.

"10% green. What does green mean today Cas?" Dean asked.

"I don't know. It's like... I don't know." Cas said quietly. He ducked his head and looked away shyly. Still, Dean smiled and put a hand on his arm. He trailed it all the way to Cas' back, so he knew where his hand was, before starting to rub in small circles.

"You did great Cas. It's ok if you don't know what it is yet. You'll figure it out, and I'll help you." Dean said quietly. Cas looked back at him with wide eyes, before scribbling a line of green through all the other colors. Deans heart fluttered a little.

* * *

"Cas, Sam's here. Why don't you go answer it?" Dean suggested. Cas cautiously walked to the door. He opened it a crack.

"Hey Cassie-" was cut off by the door slamming, and a shrieking sound.

"Cas?! What's wrong, what is it?!" Dean asked frantically. Cas pointed to the door.

"Is it not Sam?" Dean asked. Cas shook his head.

"Do you know who it is?" Dean asked.

"Gabriel's a werewolf!" Cas yelled, before running and locking himself in the bedroom. Dean went and, absolutely perplexed, stood by the door.

"Hey Cas, come out for a sec." Dean called. Cas cracked open the door.

"Why don't you open it?" Dean asked. Instantly he out a finger to his lips to signal Cas to stay quiet. Cas tilted his head, but didn't say anything. Dean mocked walking, letting his steps get louder, and then threw open the door. Outside was a short guy, a little older then Dean, wearing a werewolf mask. Cas shrieked again and slammed the door once more.

"What the fuck do you want sicko?! A cheap laugh?! Well you got one, now leave Cas alone!" Dean yelled, trying to slam the door on the guys face. His foot was in it.

"Get your foot out of my apartment or I'm calling the campus security." Dean growled.

"Whoa, hey, mr. Tough guy, calm down. It's very admirable for you to be protecting his honor and all that, but I know him." The guy said, taking off the mask and stuffing it in his waistband under his coat.

"Look, I wouldn't care if you were his goddamn father. You just scared him, and I'm telling you to get the hell out of my apartment." Dean snapped.

"Whoa! Dean! Calm down!" Sam called, running down the hallway.

"Sammy, who is this asswipe?" Dean spat.

"Dean, I see you met Gabriel. What the hell?! You said you wouldn't cause trouble!" Sam snapped, turning his attention to the shorter man.

"I just wanted to remind him of our childhood friendship!" Gabriel grinned.

"Doesn't seem like a friendship to me. He scared Cas with a fucking werewolf mask." Dean grumbled, before walking away from the door completely.

"Gabe!" Sam yelled, smacking the back of his head.

"Sam, keep the short one by the door, I gotta try to calm Cas down." Dean said, walking towards the bedroom.

He knocked on the door, but no one opened it, so he walked in.

"Cas, you ok? Hey, can I touch?" Dean asked, bending down next to him. Cas yelled, not really saying anything, just making noise, then standing and grabbing Dean. He looked like he might cry, so Dean wrapped his arms around him tighter.

"It's ok, it'll be ok. I'm gonna make Gabriel leave. He won't scare you again." Dean promised. Carefully he led Cas out of the bedroom, still holding him, so he wouldn't be scared.

"Sam, I'm serious, get him outta here. Why is he here in the first place?" Dean snapped.

"I met Sam here, Dean-o, to give him his shirt back. I just came to your room so I could see Cassie." Gabriel said.

"First of all, Sam, I don't approve, and we'll talk about that later. Second, this is as close to Cas as you're gonna get." Dean growled. It was a warning, and Gabriel seemed to understand that, because he didn't say anything.

"It's not like that Dean, as much as he'd like it to be. We were playing basketball, and I took off my sweatshirt and forgot it. He picked it up and decided to meet me here to give it back." Sam explained.

"Ok, well... gimme a minute, just go to the door. Both of you. I need a second with Cas." Dean said. Sam nodded and walked away, while Gabriel followed more slowly, watching them.

Dean led Cas to the couch, sitting him down and letting him curl up in his lap.

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to leave?" Cas asked.

"For what?" Dean asked.

"For running away from the door... And yelling..." Cas said quietly.

"No Cas, you did nothing wrong there. You were just scared. Its ok, and I want you to stay." Dean assured him. Cas nodded and wiped his eyes.

"How long until you leave?" Cas asked.

"About half an hour." Dean said. Cas whined.

"I'm scared again."

"I know you are. But it'll be ok. I'm gonna make sure Gabriel leaves, and Sam is gonna take good care of you." Dean said. After a minute, Dean took a deep breath.

"Time to go see them by the door. Stand up with me?" Dean said. Cas bit him lip nervously, but nodded and stood up with him.

"Sam, you can come back in here now. I need to show you where everything is one more time. Gabriel... Cas, can he come in?" Dean asked. Gabriel scrunched his eyebrows, but didn't say anything.

"Does he have to?" Cas asked.

"No. If you say you want him to leave, I'll get him out of here. But it's your choice." Dean said. Cas took a deep breath and grabbed Deans hand.

"Will he be the werewolf?" Cas asked.

"No." Dean said quickly, looking at Gabriel angrily. His face softened when he looked back at Cas.

"Then... He can stay. But not when you go." Cas said nervously.

"Ok. Gabriel, you're free to come in and look around too, no mask though, you heard Cas." Dean said.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Gabriel said, pulling a lollipop from his pocket and popping it in his mouth.

So Dean showed them around, all the while holding Cas' hand. He showed Sam where the soup is for dinner, where the leftover pie is for dessert, where Cas' clothes and toothbrush were, and so on. He showed them Cas' bear, his skirt, his stress ball, his paints, anything he might need to calm down. He even showed them the emergency numbers like Meg and Bobby. Should anything go wrong, or Dean not answer his phone, they were the ones to call.

When everything was done, and Dean was moving his backpack with clothes and toothbrush to the door, thats when Cas started to panic. One hand flapped, while the other scratched his head. He started to whine and shiver. Sams eyes went wide, not sure what to do, while Dean just sighed. He knew it had been coming.

"Come on Cas. Let the birds fly away. Easy now. Just the birds, don't stop anything else." Dean said calmly. It took a minute, but eventually, Cas' hands were both flapping and he was raising them above his head.

"What the hell are you doing? It's making it worse!" Gabriel said.

"Gabriel, shut your mouth." Dean said calmly, before turning back to Cas.

"Good, now try to stop the shaking. Birds don't like earthquakes." Dean said.

"Can't!" Cas yelled, before continuing to whine.

"Ok, that's ok. Maybe the birds can, uh, deal with it this time. Try to let them land. One, two, three." Dean said, and Cas slowly lowered his hands.

"Good, you're doing so good. Now try to breathe, and if you do it right, then when you breathe in, you won't make noise." Dean reminded him. It took a few minutes, but Cas did eventually stop making most of the whining noises. He still did every so often, but not bad.

"You're doing so good Cas, you're great, and see, the shaking died down too! You can do this!" Dean said, smiling at him. He put a hand on Cas' hand, then trailed it up his arm, keeping contact until he got to his neck.

"Ok?" Dean asked.

"Ok." Cas said quietly. Dean moved his hand more, until it was on Cas cheek, then he tilted his face up so they were looking at each other.

"You can do this." Dean said calmly. Cas' eyes darted to Sam, then Gabriel, and Dean gently moved his face back.

"Hey, focus on me. Just me. No one else. Breathe in and out... Good. You can do this Cas." Dean said.

"If I Can't?" Cas said questioningly, cutting off some words. Dean knew he didn't like talking after his breathing exercises, just in case it messed him up.

"If you can't, then you call me. I'll help you." Dean said gently. Cas shook as he stood, and Dean knew he couldn't leave him like this.

"Alright, hey, I'm kinda... Worried. You know, you're just making me worried. So why don't we do mirror?" Dean asked. Cas nodded.

"Sam, pay attention." Dean said, before sitting down on the floor. He proceeded to move his hands slowly, while Cas' shaky hands copied his movements. After a few minutes, Dean stood up, and Cas copied him.

"You think you'll be ok now?" Dean asked.

"I need you..." Cas said quietly.

"I know... But I'll be back really soon. It'll be like I wasn't even gone." Dean said.

"But you are! Green!" Cas shouted.

"I'm green what?" Dean asked.

"Green crayon."

"Do you think maybe the green is scared? Or sad?" Dean asked.

"No it's... something else." Cas said quietly.

"We'll work on that when I get back. Goodbye Cas." Dean smiled sadly, before waving at Sam, and pulling Gabriel out with him as he shut the door. He wasn't sure what was worse. Hearing Cas start to whine, and call for him, or having to walk away.

* * *

"You know you sounded like me back there." Gabriel said, as they walked down the hall.

"When?" Dean asked.

"When we left. You sounded like me when I dropped him here for college. He was terrified. Eventually he settled in with this roommate, Bartholomew, but for the few days before that... I think I was on the phone with him for three straight days." Gabriel huffed.

"Yeah I heard about him. His dad was a dick, and then so was he." Dean said simply.

"Yeah... You're doing good with him. Defending him, helping him. You're better then I ever was with calming him down." Gabriel admitted.

"Really? I mean, I do a lot of studying and talk to doctors and stuff, but... You lived with him for years. How am I better?" Dean asked.

"Quicker. And... You speak his language. You talk to him with words like a kid... But not like you're talking to a kid. If that makes any sense." Gabriel said.

"Yeah, no, I get it." Dean said awkwardly. Gabriel was suddenly way more serious. As they walked down to the parking garage, he felt almost bad about having to stop talking to him. He would love to learn more about Cas.

"Listen... I'm sorry I scared him. It's just... It's who I am. I'm a prankster, a trickster. That's my language. But I want you to know I'm not staying away. I'm gonna check on him every so often, at least every month. I've been wanting to but... I don't know. He seemed happy. I didn't wanna mess him up. But... Next time I'll call in advance. Deal?" Gabriel asked, sticking out his hand.

"Deal." Dean said, shaking his hand. He jumped back. Holy SHIT that hurt.

"You shocked me! Son of a BITCH that hurts!" Dean yelled. Gabriel held up a metal buzzer on his hand.

"See yah Dean-o." Gabriel smirked. He pulled a lollipop from his pocket, stuck it in his mouth, and walked off. That dick.

* * *

"Castiel? You alright?" Sam asked. He had dropped to the floor in front of the door. He had his head between his knees.

"Dean!" Cas whined, starting to cry already.

"Ok, hey, you wanna go to the couch, or- hey, don't do that." Sam asked. Cas had held his breath.

"Castiel, you can't do that." Sam said. Cas shrunk back like he had been hit.

"What, did I already do something wrong?" Sam asked. Cas looked up at him, as he finally let out the air he had been holding in his lungs.

"Hey, why don't you get up and walk around? Dean said you like to pace when you get nervous." Sam suggested. Cas started to whine, but other then that, he didn't move.

"I-I'm just gonna call Dean." Sam said quickly. He got up and went to pick up the phone, but as soon as he had walked away he noticed something. The whining stopped. Cas was crying now, but not whining.

"Castiel?" Sam said.

"No!" He yelled back. Sam walked back around the bar so he could see Cas on the floor.

"Castiel, I-" Sam tried.

"No! Cas!" He yelled.

"You don't like... Castiel?" Sam asked.

"No." Cas said again, this time quieter.

"Why not?" Sam asked. Cas' breathing quickened.

"Eggshell scared! Eggshell sad!" Cas yelled.

"Um... Ok. I'm sorry- uh- Cas, but I don't know what that means. Do you want me to ask Dean?" Sam asked. Cas thought for a minute, then nodded. Sam walked back to the phone and dialed.

 _"Already calling?"_   Dean said.

"Eggshell scared?" Sam said questioningly.

 _"Damn, that's an old one. What'd you do to make him say that?"_   Dean asked.

"Well, I figured, since it was just us, I should call him Castiel, instead of Cas, cause that's kinda your nickname for him, but he freaked out." Sam explained.

 _"Ah, yeah, his name is a touchy thing. Bartholomew, the old roommate I told you about, he always called everyone by their full name. It was just a thing. He would have called you Samuel. So now, Cas hates when people use his full name. I only do that if he's in danger of hurting himself or something, since it gets his attention."_   Dean explained.

"But what about the eggshell thing? What does that mean?" Sam asked.

 _"It's something Meg and I came up with for him. You know when you have a bad day, and you're really angry, and finally something good happens, and you feel happy, but you know that if another bad thing happens, it'll shatter your mood? It's like that. He's finally in a different mood, but anything could shatter it."_ Dean explained.

"Like eggshells... So he was warning me?" Sam said.

 _"Yeah, pretty much."_   Dean said.

"Ok, hey, thanks, I'll call you back later, Cas is getting up." Sam said, hanging up the phone.

"Hey, Cas, you need anything?" Sam asked. Cas didn't answer. Instead, he walked right past Sam, to the bedroom. Sam followed him and watched him, until he started stripping. It was odd, seeing a crying man strip, but not odd enough to keep watching. In fact, he didn't want to watch any longer then he had to.

"I'll be in the living room, ok?" Sam said. Cas turned and looked at him, then resumed what he was doing. Sam left quickly.

* * *

The next time Sam heard him, a few hours later, it was a loud crash. Sam ran in, only to see Cas sitting on the floor, wearing a complete ballet outfit, looking absolutely dumbfounded.

"Cas, what happened? What have you been doing?" Sam asked. He was mixed between feeling bad and laughing at Cas' face.

"I took a nap." Cas said.

"And?" Sam pressed.

"I tried to spin and got... Dizzy." Cas said quietly, looking around the room for a moment.

"Why were you spinning?" Sam asked, biting his lip.

"I was dancing." Cas said simply.

"Why?" Sam asked.

"Because... It makes me... Happy. And I'm sad. Dean helps me dance, but I wasn't doing the hard poses, so I don't need his help. But I want him here." Cas said.

"Well... Why don't you do something else that makes you happy? Like... Paint? Dean said you were working on a painting." Sam said.

"I ruined it." Cas said quietly, pulling his knees up.

"I'm sure you haven't ruined it! Why don't you show me?" Sam suggested. Cautiously, Cas took off his ballet shoes and put them on the bed, then stood up, but didn't move.

"We had a fight. I ruined it. I was... Mad. Angry." Cas said quietly.

"Cas, really, I'm sure it's ok." Sam smiled. Cas nodded and stepped towards his easel, and Sam followed. He pulled a sheet off of it, very Hollywood style, and when the sheet finally floated to the ground, Sam saw it.

The canvas was professional canvas, not just poster board from the craft store, although the paint was in crayola containers. The canvas itself was covered in blotches and streaks of color, from sponges, brushes, and smudges Sam guessed were made by hand. Through the middle was a huge streak of green, made by a hand.

"What is it that ruined it?" Sam asked.

"Green. Didn't... Didn't mean to..." Cas said quietly. His eyes were tearing up a bit, and Sam recognized that as a sign to hurry up and say something.

"No, no hey, it's not bad. Cas, it looks great. I thought that was on purpose. Why don't you... Incorporate it?" Sam asked.

"Incorporate?" Cas said questioningly.

"Yeah, that's like, making it part of the painting, making it into something." Sam said.

"I know." Cas said. He rubbed his eyes and at that moment Sam saw the grumpy five year old come out in Cas.

"Hey, how about I go heat up that soup for dinner? You can think about your painting while we eat." Sam suggested.

"Ok... Can you cover it?" Cas asked. Sam nodded and picked up the sheet, while Cas started to undress. He took off his black tights, but Sam left the room before he could ditch the leotard.

Once he was in the kitchen, he got the soup on the stove and started heating it up. Cas walked out of the bedroom in a plain white shirt and gym shorts, but he kept tugging on them.

"Can I put on my skirt?" Cas asked.

"Sure." Sam said, and Cas nodded, then left the room. When he came back he was wearing his skirt, and he had to look away because, yeah, that skirt is definitely a beach skirt. It was almost entirely see-through. Sam did notice before he shifted his gaze that Cas sat down on the left most chair from the kitchen. He remembered Dean saying something about how he liked the left.

"Can I call Dean?" Cas asked.

"Uh- yeah. But Dean said you don't have a phone here, so you'll have to use my cell." Sam said.

"Where is it?" Cas asked.

"I think it's on the couch." Sam pointed, and Cas followed his gaze. He got up and grabbed the phone, then walked towards the table and sat down again. Sam heard him dial, then Deans voice on speaker.

 _"Sammy, something up?"_   Dean asked.

"It's me. Quiet voice?" Cas requested.

 _"Hey Cas, sorry. I'll be quieter. You ok? Where's Sam?"_   Dean asked.

"I'm ok. Sams here. I... I miss you a lot." Cas said shyly. Sam grinned.

 _"I know buddy, I miss you too. Have you had dinner yet?"_   Dean asked.

"Sam is heating soup. You coming home?" Cas asked.

 _"No, I'm sorry. I'm not even there yet. But hey, you're not having any trouble. You're doing great!"_   Dean said.

"No... I'm sad. And... Green." Cas said.

 _"So that green is still messing with you, huh? Why don't you try to describe it?"_   Dean said.

"I can't... It's... Scared and sad and mad. And... Happy. It's everything. It just happens when I think of you." Cas said.

"Holy shit..." Sam mumbled.

 _"Shut it Sammy, I'm on speaker, I can hear you."_   Dean snapped.

"Why did he say a bad word? He's not hurt or angry." Cas said, tilting his head and squinting in that way that only he did.

 _"It's nothing Cas, he just thinks he's clever. Anyway, I'm pulling off the interstate, I need to get my own dinner. You doing great without me, just hang in there."_   Dean said.

"Dean- wait. Don't go. Please, just keep the phone on." Cas said quickly.

 _"I can't buddy, I need to go get food, gas, use the bathroom. How about I call you back when all that is done?"_   Dean asked.

"I-I wanna hear you." Cas said quietly.

 _"I know, but I need to hang up. Please? I pinky promise I'll call back."_   Dean promised.

"Ok... Call back. Soon." Cas said sternly.

 _"Ok, I will. Bye Cas."_  Dean said, hanging up promptly. Cas took a deep breath and stared at the phone as he hung up too.

* * *

"Can we go lay down? I feel scratchy." Cas asked.

"Of course, where? The couch or the bed?" Sam asked.

"The couch. I want to try something." Cas said.

"Ok, what do you wanna try?" Sam asked.

"Just sit." Cas said. Sam did, although he did so cautiously.

"Cas, is this gonna hurt or anything?" Sam asked.

"No, stay still." Cas said. Sam watch in complete surprise as Cas sat down, pressed all the way against him. He sat for a minute, completely silent, before leaning over, and putting his head on Sams shoulder. Sam sat still as he moved again, putting his head directly on Sams lap.

"You're not the same as Dean."

"What's Dean like?" Sam asked.

"He's softer. And he touches my hair and back." Cas said.

"Should I- uh- should I do that?" Sam asked awkwardly.

"No! Only Dean!" Cas said quickly, sitting up and moving away.

"Why only Dean?" Sam asked.

"I don't like touch. He's careful. I... Trust him." Cas said. Sam nodded as Cas laid back down on his lap. He could understand that.

"I feel scratchy more." Cas said quietly.

"You wanna call Dean back? He is a little late." Sam said.

"I need to call Dean back. He's late." Cas parroted.

"Ok, here, use my phone." Sam said. He handed the phone over, and Cas sat up. He hit the contact and while it dialed, Cas started trying to breathe deeper.

"It's ok, he'll pick up." Sam said.

 _"Hello?"_   Dean answered.

"Scratchy. Shaky." Cas said. Deans voice softened instantly, and he got quieter.

 _"Hey, it's ok. You're ok. Can you put me on speaker?"_   Dean asked.

"You are. It's only been going a minute. He said he was "scratchy" and we sat on the couch. He's just getting a little worked up." Sam explained.

 _"Thanks Sam. Hey Cas, you wanna know why I didn't call you?"_   Dean said. Cas nodded, but didn't seem to realize the problem.

"He says yes." Sam said.

 _"I broke down Cas. Right after I got off the phone with you, my car ride started getting bumpy. There was a nail in my tire, and it went flat. I had to change it. I just got back on the road."_   Dean explained.

"You're ok?" Cas asked.

 _"Yeah, I'm ok."_ Dean chuckled.

"Ok. Sorry." Cas said. He took a deep breath and sat back a little.

 _"It's ok. Were you just worried about me?"_   Dean asked.

"Yes. I think so." Cas said.

 _"You feel better now?"_  Dean asked.

"Yes." He said simply.

 _"Well, thanks for looking out for me. I'm pulling off the interstate again. How about I get a room at a motel, and I'll call you back, and we can talk for as long as you want, ok?"_   Dean said.

"Ok. Sam heated the soup for dinner." Cas said.

 _"Did he? That sounds good. On the stove right?"_   Dean asked.

"Yes, and I saved you pie. Can we talk more?" Cas asked.

 _"Cas, I promise I'll talk more, but let me call you back, ok?"_   Dean said. Cas made a little sound sort of like a whine, then nodded.

"He says ok." Sam said for him.

 _"Ok, I'll be right back. Bye."_   Dean said. Cas' lip trembled a little as he hit the end button.

"I miss him." Cas said quietly.

"I know you do buddy, I'm sorry." Sam said.

"Watch cars?" Cas said questioningly. Sams eyebrows scrunched.

"You wanna go watch the cars?" Sam asked. Cas nodded.

"Ok, let's do that." Sam said. Cas stood up and went to the bedroom, with Sam following behind.

"Do we just sit down and watch the cars drive by?" Sam asked. Cas nodded. Sam sighed and grabbed a pillow to sit down on. It would be a long half hour.

* * *

Watching cars didn't last more then fifteen minutes. The phone rang and Cas bolted out to get it.

"Dean!" Cas said loudly.

_"Whoa! Ears. Hey, buddy."_

"We're watching cars. I'll tell you." Cas said.

 _"Tell me what?"_  Dean asked.

"Which cars." Cas said plainly.

 _"How long have you already been there?"_  Dean asked.

"Half the time. Black car. Blue car." Cas said.

 _"Hey Cas, can I talk to Sam real quick? Then we can keep talking."_  Dean said.

"Ok." Cas agreed, handing Sam the phone.

 _"Hey, sounds like he wants to go to bed soon. He likes watching cars before bed, usually at a set time, but I guess since I'm not there it's different."_  Dean said.

"Yeah, I'll get him to bed soon. Hey what time do you think you'll be awake tomorrow?" Sam asked.

 _"I'll be up by nine, and out of this town by nine thirty, ten at the latest, I hope. I'll try to be back by three."_  Dean said.

"Ok, just wanted to know what the earliest is he can call you." Sam said.

 _"Yeah, knowing him it'll be nine on the dot, but that's ok. Listen, good luck, I'll talk to you tomorrow."_  Dean said.

"Yeah, bye, here's Cas." Sam said. He handed the phone to Cas, and Cas started rambling.

"There were more cars. Silver, silver, black, gray, red, blue, white. Sam gave me crackers with my soup too. That was good. Red car. When are you coming back?" Cas asked.

 _"Hey, slow down. You're getting a little excited. I actually just told Sam, I'm coming back around three I hope. Now... guess what car I saw while I was driving."_  Dean said softly.

"What?" Cas said.

 _"I saw a bright green car."_  Dean said.

"Green?!" Cas said. He sounded so shocked that Dean laughed.

 _"Yeah, bright green! Like neon green."_  Dean said.

"Will you take a picture if you see it?" Cas asked.

 _"Of course."_   Dean said. Sam smiled and tuned out the rest.

* * *

"There was... I saw a fish." Cas said slowly.

 _"Cas, as much as I enjoy hearing about nap dreams, I think you're falling asleep on me."_   Dean chuckled.

"No... There was a fish." Cas said indignantly.

 _"Cas, you've said this part three times."_ Dean said, smiling at the thought of Cas curled up on the corner of the couch dozing off.

"Can you... Sing now?" Cas yawned.

 _"Well... Of course buddy. But not loud. It's time for bed."_   Dean said.

"I don't want to go to bed. Can I stay on the couch?" Cas said.

 _"Fine, but just this once. I don't want you getting used to the couch and messing up your routine."_   Dean said.

"Ok. Can I get heart beat bear?" Cas asked.

 _"Of course, brush your teeth too."_ Dean said.

"Ok." Cas said simply, getting up and handing the phone to Sam.

"Hey, Dean, should I stay up for a little while or can I go to bed?" Sam asked.

 _"You should probably stay up until he's good and asleep and least."_ Dean said.

"You think he'll sleep ok without you here?" Sam asked, quieter then before.

 _"Well... Sometimes he wants closeness. You might wanna be prepared to get in bed with him- but wait for his signal. If he pats the bed you can lay down, if not you can't."_  Dean explained.

"Oh I know all about closeness. He already cuddled me once." Sam chuckled.

 _"Oh. Really?"_  Dean said.

"Oh, don't be jealous. He was comparing me to you. Saying I'm not soft enough or something." Sam grinned.

 _"Well, glad I'm a good pillow if nothing else."_   Dean said.

Just then Cas stumbled back into the room and fell on the couch. He pulled a blanket over himself and snuggled down, then reached out for the phone.

"Here's Cas." Sam said, putting the phone in Cas' hand.

"Dean, will you sing?" Cas asked.

_"Yeah. What song?"_

"The friend one." Cas said.

 _"Ok. The friend one. Here goes."_   Dean said. He cleared his throat, as Sam strained his hearing to listen in.

 _"When you're down and troubled and you need a helping hand, and nothing, nothing is going right. Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there, to brighten up even your darkest nights. You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am, I'll come running... to see you again. Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call. And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, you've got a friend."_   Dean sang quietly.

Sam was surprised. When Dean was a kid he was an awful singer. In fact, last time he heard Dean sing was the fifth grade play. He had gotten way better. His voice was low and gruff, and sounded a little like an old blues performer. But then, that voice was for Cas. It seemed like Dean made everything perfect for him.

* * *

Sam woke with Cas towering over him, just looking at him. He jumped back, and turned on the lamp beside the bed, and was able to properly see his face. He looked awful, tear tracks down his face and snot coming from his nose.

"Cas, what happened?" Sam asked.

"I woke up... Deans gone." Cas cried.

"Aw, Cas. Dean is going to get Bobby, remember?" Sam said.

"I want him here. He makes me eggs, and washes dishes, and I dry them. And then sometimes, we have time to watch cars, or he tells a science story, before we go to classes." Cas said.

"He tells you a story? Like, he makes them up?" Sam said.

"No, it's tv. I don't like tv because it's loud and sometimes makes my head hurt, but I like the science shows. He watches them for me while I paint, or nap, and he tells me what they find." Cas explained. Sam nodded and slid to the edge of the bed, so his legs were on the floor.

"Miss him." Cas said quietly.

"I know... Hey, when I wake up, if I have time, I usually go for a run. The sun is just starting to come up, so do you wanna go running? It might distract you." Sam asked.

"I don't like running. Walking is fine. Dean walks to the swings with me." Cas said. He sniffled and Sam smiled. He really did look like a wounded puppy without Dean here.

"So do you wanna walk? We can go outside of campus a little and get muffins from that bakery where your brother is." Sam offered.

"I don't have money." Cas said quietly.

"That's ok, I can pay. And if you get overwhelmed, I can bring you back here." Sam said.

"Ok." Cas said simply, wiping his face.

"Ok. Why don't you go brush teeth, and put on clothes. I'll do the same, and we can get outta here quicker.

"Ok." Cas said again. He walked quietly to the laundry hamper and pulled out his sweat pants and a white t-shirt.

"Is this ok?" Cas asked.

"Yeah, that's perfect. In fact, I was gonna wear about the same thing. You go ahead and change, I'll be in there in a minute." Sam said. He watched Cas walk wordlessly into the bathroom, then started looking for his own clothes.

* * *

"So you really didn't know your brother worked there." Sam said

"I just hadn't spoken to him in a while, before yesterday." Cas explained.

"Well, here it is. Ready to go in?" Sam asked.

"It's... Busy. I feel scratchy." Cas asked.

"You wanna... Hold my hand? Dean said that helps." Sam offered. Cas nodded and latched on almost immediately.

As they walked in, they got more then a few looks. Gabriel looked up from the counter and he too looked baffled.

"Hey Sammy, hey Cassie. Uh, what brings you here?" Gabriel asked.

"Muffins." Sam said, smiling at him.

"You two... On a date? I mean, I would not have expected this. Maybe with Dean, but even so, Cas hasn't dated since-"

"No!" Cas said quickly, a little too loudly. A few people looked, and Sam cleared his throat.

"Uh- No. No, it's- it's not- no. He just- got a little nervous." Sam explained.

"Chocolate chip." Cas said quietly.

"Ok... Ok, Sam what about you?" Gabriel asked awkwardly. Sam could tell there was tension in the air now, and he pointed to the blueberry muffin, trying to move past it. Gabriel seemed to be doing the same thing, boxing the giant muffins up and putting it in a plastic bag.

A quick glance at Cas showed Sam he wasn't imagining it. Cas looked petrified, eyes bulging and eyebrows raised in worry. His hands had made fists, and Sam almost worried he was going to break down and cry right there.

"Sam, can I uh, can I talk to Cas?" Gabriel asked.

"Yeah, Cas, you gonna be ok?" Sam asked.

"Yes." Cas said. Sam nodded and walked away, taking a seat at the only table available, thankfully within earshot of them.

"I didn't know you hadn't told them about him!"

"Why would I?"

"I don't know... Just friendly conversation?"

"That topic isn't friendly."

"Hey, I'm gonna actually wait outside, let someone else take the table, ok?" Sam said, standing up rather quickly. He felt like he was intruding but... Who's "him"? Cas dated a him?

Sam promptly pulled out his phone and texted Dean.

_'Me and Cas went to Gabriels bakery. Cas acted a little strange. They were whispering about something that they didn't tell us. About Cas dating? Thought you should know since he seemed real shaken up. Text me when you see this.'_

He got a response a few minutes later.

_'Tell me everything. Don't tell Cas I know.'_

* * *

 

The rest of the day was awkward to say the least. Cas had barely said a word all day, not even asking for Dean. He sat in the bedroom for a few hours at least, just painting away. Sometimes he just sat there and stared out the window. Eventually, Cas came out and spoke.

"I need to take a shower."

"Ok, just don't be too long. Dean will be here in about thirty minutes." Sam said. He thought it was odd. Cas didn't seem excited anymore.

* * *

After Cas had washed thoroughly, and scrubbed his hair with his fruity shampoo, he just stood there. Did Sam know? Did Dean know? It made him anxious. So anxious. Anxious enough that suddenly the hot water felt too hot, and the steam was choking him.

Cas turned off the water and got out quickly, not bothering with a towel. He stumbled over to the mirror, looking at his blurry reflection.

Too blurry, too steamy, too hot. To hot, too small, too small-

Shatter.

His hands had flapped and knocked over the glass bird. Cas whined and crouched down. Sam and Dean would be angry if they found out he broke something!

"Cas, you ok in there?" Sam called. Cas stepped forward to lock the door, but as he did, there was a stabbing pain in his foot.

"Ow!"

He took a step cautiously.

"Ow! Blood! Blood!" Cas yelled. He grabbed a tissue and frantically tried to scoop up the glass with his hands, but as he picked up the bundle, some glass became exposed, and he felt the skin on his finger slice open.

"OW!" Cas yelled again.

"Cas, what's wrong? Open the door Cas. Open it now." Sam said.

"Blood!" Cas yelled. He was crying now, and Sam was desperate, trying to just rip the door off it's hinges. Dean. He could fix this.

"Shit, hold on Cas." Sam said. He ran back to the couch, grabbed his phone, and ran back, in a matter of seconds. He dialed Deans number and it picked up on the second ring.

_"Hello?"_

"Cas is hurt- I don't- he won't open the door- he says there's blood." Sam said desperately. There were no words from Dean, but he heard the car roar, and Bobby in the background swearing.

"Dean you gotta get in here, he won't let me in." Sam said.

 _"I'm still a couple minutes out, I'm coming! Damn it! Fucking shit!"_ Dean yelled. The line went dead as Cas started making noise again.

"Don't! Don't move Cas! Dean is coming, he's almost here." Sam said.

"Dean!" Cas yelled. Sam rubbed a hand over his face.

"Cas, please, open the door. Dean can't get in if it's locked. Cas!" Sam yelled. He wasn't getting through to him. Cas was crying and whining and making all kinds of noise, and he just couldn't get his attention.

"You gotta stay calm Cas, listen to me. Try to breathe slower." Sam said.

"Blood!" Cas yelled again. He just couldn't get through to him.

"I know, I know Cas. It'll be ok. Listen to me ok? Dean is coming. He's on his way." Sam said. Cas whined and Sam could hear his breathing starting to become frantic.

Honestly, Sam wasn't sure what to do. So he did the only thing he could. He started shaking the door handle as hard as he could, hoping to jiggle it loose. Then, thank the Lord, Dean comes bursting in.

"Cas?! Sammy, is he in there? Cas!" Dean yelled.

"He's- he's in there, but he won't open it. Shit, how'd you get here so fast? Where's Bobby?" Sam asked.

"In the car, it's not important! Cas! Hey, Cas! It's me! I'm here! Open the door!" Dean yelled.

"Dean?" Cas whimpered.

"It's me, shit, open the door Cas. Please, open it." Dean begged.

"Y-You'll be mad." Cas whined.

"No, Cas, I won't be mad! Damn it, open the door! You're scaring me!" Dean yelled.

Sam took a moment then to look at Dean. It was like time slowed down. He hadn't seem him this upset in years. There were tears in his eyes and he was breathing hard. He looked terrified.

There was a shuffling, and then Cas managed to reach the lock. Dean burst in, and Sam covered his eyes as Dean grabbed him because, yeah, he was totally naked.

"Shit, where are you hurt?" Dean asked. He could hear the crunching under his boots of the glass.

"Hurts!" Cas whined.

"I know, I know Cas. Here, hold this towel over yourself. Hang on." Dean said. He gently lifted Cas off the toilet seat where he was perched, and set him in the hallway. He slipped off his boots so he wouldn't trail glass everywhere and then lifted Cas again, grunting from the effort.

"Sam, go knock on doors, get someone to give you tweezers." Dean said, as he put Cas on the couch. Sam nodded and ran off.

"Shit, Cas, lemme see. Damn, the blood is really coming. Hang on." Dean said. He ran back and grabbed paper towels from the kitchen, then came back.

"This is gonna hurt, hold still." Dean said, Cas sucked in a breath, as Dean pried the large piece of glass from Cas' foot. Cas screamed and Dean grabbed his hand.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. God, Cas, I'm so sorry. I know it hurts." Dean rambled. He could see little pieces of glass elsewhere on his foot, and Cas' finger was still bleeding.

"Stick your foot out, here, lay it on the paper towels. There, hang on. Let me see your hand." Dean said. Cas was too scared to say no, so he stuck out his hand. He had started to hyperventilate now, and Dean knew he had to take action quicker.

"Sammy!" Dean yelled through the open door.

"What in the hell is going on?!" A gruff voice answered. They both turned to see Bobby standing with crutches by the door. Cas yelled louder, panicked by the appearance of someone he didn't know coming inside.

"Shit, Bobby, go ask at doors for big band-aids." Dean said. Bobby huffed but he didn't argue, he just stepped out.

"Cas, hey, look at me Cas. I-I'm, I'm scared ok? You scared me. All I heard was that you were hurt and I just... Shit Cas, it scared me. So you gotta help me, ok? You gotta stay calm for me, cause I'm certainly not calm. You're bleeding a lot from your foot, but there's no glass in your finger. Hold that on there ok? Real tight. Don't let go." Dean said. Cas did what he said numbly, not really listening, but not fighting it when Dean wrapped a paper towel around his finger.

"Dean, tweezers." Sam said, rushing back in. He handed the tweezers to him, and Dean lifted Cas' foot.

"Ok, Cas, this might hurt, I see at least four little pieces. Just don't move, ok?" Dean said. Sam backed up and watched as Cas yelped every time Dean pulled out a piece. They were deep enough to leave little dots of blood, but not nearly as bad as the deep cut on his heel.

"Ok, alright, Sam, can you grab the broom from the closet and sweep the bathroom, I'm might need to put his foot in the bath." Dean said. Sam nodded and walked away to do it, while Dean pressed hard with paper towels on Cas' foot.

"Cas, hey, you with me? Don't space out now. Cas, come back to me." Dean said. Cas' eyes focused back on him, and he blinked away tears.

"There you go. Deep breaths Cas, come on." Dean said. Cas made a noise like a whine and a grunt and reached out his good hand. He was trembling like a leaf and Dean immediately took hold of his hand.

"It's ok, I'm here. It's me." Dean said. Cas reached out further, and Dean let him put a hand on his face.

"It's me... It's ok now. Everything is gonna be fine."

Cas leaned down and touched Deans shirt, only hooking two fingers in it, but Dean got the idea. He sat up on the couch, and pulled Cas' knee up so Cas could hold his foot easier. He did, and his other hand curled into a fist with the paper towel around his finger.

"Touch-" Dean said, but Cas blew simple touch away. He leaned forward until his forehead was right against Deans and began to cry harder, downright sobbing. Dean pulled him in easily, holding on for dear life.

"I was so scared Cas... I'm so glad it wasn't worse..." Dean whispered. He put one hand in Cas' hair and the other around his back and held him tight. Sam walked back in, and upon seeing them, went towards the door.

"Dean..." Cas said quietly.

"It's ok, I'm here. Just don't go into shock. You just relax ok? I'll take care of you." Dean mumbled into his shoulder. Cas didn't speak.

"I don't wanna leave you again... Shit, Sam can drive Bobby home. Or Bobby can stay here and Ellen can come get him. I really don't care, but I'm not leaving you again." Dean promised. Cas cried harder at the statements.

"It's ok, shhhh, I got you..." Dean whispered. He moved his fingers through Cas' hair gently, and tried to soothe him. Cas shook in his grip.

* * *

By the time Cas had calmed down, it had been an hour. Bobby had come in and decided the two needed to move, so Sam helped usher them to the bedroom. Cas was asleep, so Dean put him on the bed. He pulled a pair of Cas' sweat shorts from the laundry and slipped then around his legs, then managed to maneuver them up. Next he pulled away the paper towel and cleaned the cut with a washcloth, and when he was satisfied, he put the bandage Bobby brought back onto his foot. He found a smaller one in the bathroom cabinet and put it around Cas' finger delicately, but Cas stirred anyway.

"Dean?"

"It's ok, I'm here. You in any pain?" Dean asked.

"No... Lay down?" Cas mumbled. Dean nodded and slid up into bed, putting his arms around Cas' protectively.

"Sorry-"

"I'm not upset. I was damn scared, y'know, that you were hurt worse, but I'm not upset." Dean said.

"The bird-"

"Means nothing compared to you."

They laid in silence for a few minutes, just resting, and Dean took the time to just listen to Cas. No heart-beat-bear under his head, just his breathing. The steady rise and fall. He leaned back a little, just watching him, and then put his hand on Cas' arm. He trailed it up, following his arm, shoulder, neck, until he was moving the hair out of Cas' eyes.

"Cas, are you ok? Really? I know blood freaks you out sometimes, I mean, you sure you're ok?" Dean asked. Cas just nodded. After another moment Cas spoke up.

"Stay." He said quietly.

"Ok... We'll talk to Bobby and Sam later."

* * *

"About time boy. What the hell happened?" Bobby snarled. Cas winced and stopped in his tracks, holding onto Dean tighter around the waist.

"Bobby, can I, uh, talk to you in the hall for a minute?" Dean asked. Bobby scrunched his eyebrows, then shrugged, and Sam helped him stand up. Dean rubbed Cas' back for a second before pulling away.

"I'll be right back, just a minute, ok?" Dean said. Cas swallowed and nodded bravely, although Dean could tell he was on the verge of breaking from stress.

Bobby moved slowly to the door, leading them out into the hall, and Dean shut it behind them. He took a deep breath, but he wasn't sure where to start. Hey, your general personality might scare my roommate, can you tone it down? That wouldn't work.

"Spit it out boy, I can't stand here all day."

"That, you can't do that." Dean said quickly.

"What?" Bobby said, obviously not understanding.

"Cas, he's... He's really sensitive. And he just got hurt, so he's stressed to hell, and... He just need special treatment sometimes. You can't... Look, Bobby, I know it's a lot to ask but can you be gentle around him? I know that's not how you are but-"

"Say no more. I understand." Bobby interrupted.

"What?"

"I can handle this. I've been around longer then you, I know how he is." Bobby said.

"No, wait- I don't think you do-" Dean tried, as Bobby opened the door again. Cas hadn't moved, and his nervous gaze landed on Bobby instantly.

"Castiel is your name right? But you like Cas better?" Bobby said. Cas didn't move, other then to hold his arms around his stomach.

"I'm Robert, but you can call me Bobby. I like your... Shorts." Bobby said lamely. Given shorts were the only thing he was wearing, but he didn't have to compliment him. Dean shut the door and walked over to Cas, letting him grab onto his waist.

"It's ok Cas, he's my friend. He's safe." Dean said. Cas waited a minute, then moved a little from where he was tucked against him.

"Bobby?" Cas said quietly.

"Yeah, boy, that's me. You know, I have a friend like you ." Bobby said. Sam looked over at Dean, who looked just as confused.

"His name is Garth-"

"Garth." Cas said quickly. He looked at Dean, who raised an eyebrow.

"You know Garth?" Dean asked.

"He talks with a sock. And likes hugs." Cas said surely.

"That's him alright. He was afraid of me when we first met, too. But, if you'll let me, I'd like to get to know you." Bobby said. It was softer, kinder, like Dean had never really heard Bobby speak before, and he found himself thinking of the thanks he would have to give Bobby for faking, but... He looked honest. He looked... Kind. Maybe this was just a side of him that he hadn't seen, hadn't needed to see.

"Does... Garth like you now?" Cas asked quietly.

"He does. He calls me every week in fact. With Mr. Fizzles' help of course." Bobby said. Cas didn't exactly smile, but he definitely relaxed.

"Dean?" Cas said.

"Yeah? What is it?" Dean asked.

"Can we sit down with Bobby?" Cas asked.

"Yeah, yeah, that'd make me real happy Cas." Dean grinned. Sam shot a look of appreciation at Bobby, who just nodded, and went to sit it the chair in the living room.

"I don't want to talk. Can Bobby talk?" Cas asked quietly. Dean smiled at him, and held onto him tighter, because yeah, he was totally gonna cuddle him with company, sue him.

"I think that'd be ok. Bobby, why don't you tell Cas about yourself." Dean suggested. Bobby ducked his head and began speaking, but he didn't listen.

Deans mind was to busy screaming at him to ask Cas about his secret. Who the "him" was they talked about. Why he was so scared. What it had to do with dating. But he couldn't. Not today. Today, Cas was getting over his stress. Today Sam and Bobby were here, smiling with him. Today he had Cas to look after, and his curiosity could wait.

**Author's Note:**

> They get together in the next one ;)


End file.
